This Father’s Day Weekend

My mom’s dad passed away a couple of months ago, and his life celebration was during this Father's Day weekend. She took her dog, Lilo, and drove up there to be with her father's side of the family. She’s only just getting to know them now, in her early 50s, and I am not close to that side of the family, so I decided to stay behind.

I rarely get time alone in the house like this anymore, so I also decided to take the weekend off from streaming to exist in peace. It was a good choice. I’ve been working on my art, reading, and writing. My sleep has also been significantly better this weekend. I think it’s because my mom's dog isn’t tossing and turning on her creaky toddler bed. I woke up way earlier than normal today, which was a pleasant surprise.

I had intended to have a mushroom date with myself this weekend. It has been at least 4 years since I had an intentional solo trip. It’s a good way to connect with myself and refresh my brain. But after some time alone, reflecting, I got into my feels. I don’t doubt the mushies would have been gentle with me, but it didn't feel like the right time. So instead I read, wrote, cried, ate cereal, made art, and got lots of sleep – A successful weekend alone in my books.

Even though this weekend was needed, I prefer not to take so much time away from streaming every month. It always seems to be one thing or another. I’m hoping to make up for it by doing a few IRL beachfire streams before we get a fire ban. I just need to stop being the way I am and leave the house, and reconnect my phone… I just…don’t want to…see people and have them see me in return… at this moment….and at a lot of other moments.

I will do it this week, though. It’s not only owed to the community, but I think it will be really chill once I get over my initial anxiety of doing anything new on stream. Unfortunately, I doubt I will do a camping stream until the summer is over, but I owe one this fall. I’m also planning a trip to the city for an IRL stream before the Fall. I want a Build-A-Bear… maybe go to an arcade.

We shall see. Whenever I try to plan, something happens, and the plans get spoiled or postponed. I’m trying to be more accepting and go with the flow when this happens instead of stressing about it on top of everything else. SO WE SHALL SEE. BECAUSE I'M SO ZEN AND COOL ABOUT GOING WITH THE FLOW.