TAROT READING No.2

NOW + WHERE + HOW

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Date: June 23 2026
Spread: 3 CARDS - NOW + WHERE + HOW (+ FALLEN)
Deck: New Century Tarot

Intention: I wanted to do a slightly more in-depth reading than the single-card reading I did for myself, which did not disappoint, so I wanted to dive a little deeper. I chose to do 3 cards, but a 4th fell out, and it was pretty kismet, so it was incorporated into the reading, and reinforced the messages from the other cards.

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1. NOW: Temperance ( R )
When the Temperance card is in the ‘You now' position as well as in a “blocked” position (R), it means the querent ( lil old me )  is too willing to compromise and please everyone but themselves. Implying putting others' needs before their own is how the querent got where they are currently.

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2. WHERE: Knight of Pentacles
When in the “Where” position, the Knight of Pentacles suggests the querent will create their own success if they are realistic and exercise caution and prudence. The Knight of Pentacles also reminds the querent not to miss out on opportunities or to embrace their potential because they fear change.

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3. HOW: Knight of Swords
The position of the Knight of Swords at “How” is saying that the querent needs to speak up and to be more self-assured. Not to fear criticism or to worry about upsetting someone because of their beliefs.

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4. FALLEN: The Moon
The Moon is a complex card. This card puts more emphasis on trusting your instincts by stating the need to. Again. In simplest terms, do not let self-deception & the distortion of the truth lead you away from your purpose- you need to stick with it.

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INTERPRETATION:
Where do I start? The Moon card “jumping” out of my deck? Which is interesting on its own, without reading further into what the card means. Or, do I start with the two different Knight cards? The cards altogether say I, the querent, will succeed…  with a heavy emphasis on being careful and trusting myself. The Knight of Swords is saying I need to speak up,  believe in myself and not be scared of criticism… I find this interesting because starting this blog is the first step to exactly that. So that is reassuring. The cards tell me to trust myself, keep doing what I am doing, but to be cautious and use good judgment… that’s literally it.

The Moon card “jumping” out reinforces this … vague yet pointed message….

I was broad with my intention, and the response was pretty broad in return. I will probably do a more fine-tuned spread, like the Celtic Cross, with a clearer intention. Like i know what i feel in my heart, but like…. I DON’T TRUST MYSELF OK!!!!! I ask the cards what to do because I am unsure, and they say keep doing what I’m doing and to not doubt myself…

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ADDITIONAL NOTES:
I’m planning to start doing more practice readings on other people. My readings feel poignant for me, but I’m curious if they will be helpful or insightful for others.

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GOOD VIBES ‘MAGIC WAND’

Wanda, wanda, wanda.
I don’t really know what inspired Wanda, besides perhaps my old Twitch description, “Vibing harder than your girlfriends' Hitachi.” I got rid of it because it didn't feel like a good first impression for a “Twitch Partner”; besides, I could never vibe as hard as Wanda.

Wanda is a pretty cool trade-off in my opinion. She was a sudden burst of some specific inspiration that came out of nowhere. I knew I wanted to do something in the rubber hose art style, which I’ve attempted a few times before. But the idea of doing a ’Hitachi’ magic wand specifically just kind of popped into my head. I hadn’t seen a rubberhose style ‘magic wand’ yet, so it had to be done. Wanda needed to be created. You could call her a mascot for a very specific type of good vibes.

It’s neat when creative things flow like this

To complicate things for myself, I decided to make a vertical process video for my Instagram to introduce Wanda. It’s not the best editing job I’ve done. But I did it, I learned a little, and I know I’ll get better. Finding music was the hardest part; I got lost searching through YouTube Studio. I still found some cool songs, but nothing that really matched the vibe I wanted. I honestly got tired and just picked whatever… I hope I redo it later. 

This Father’s Day Weekend

My mom’s dad passed away a couple of months ago, and his life celebration was during this Father's Day weekend. She took her dog, Lilo, and drove up there to be with her father's side of the family. She’s only just getting to know them now, in her early 50s, and I am not close to that side of the family, so I decided to stay behind.

I rarely get time alone in the house like this anymore, so I also decided to take the weekend off from streaming to exist in peace. It was a good choice. I’ve been working on my art, reading, and writing. My sleep has also been significantly better this weekend. I think it’s because my mom's dog isn’t tossing and turning on her creaky toddler bed. I woke up way earlier than normal today, which was a pleasant surprise.

I had intended to have a mushroom date with myself this weekend. It has been at least 4 years since I had an intentional solo trip. It’s a good way to connect with myself and refresh my brain. But after some time alone, reflecting, I got into my feels. I don’t doubt the mushies would have been gentle with me, but it didn't feel like the right time. So instead I read, wrote, cried, ate cereal, made art, and got lots of sleep – A successful weekend alone in my books.

Even though this weekend was needed, I prefer not to take so much time away from streaming every month. It always seems to be one thing or another. I’m hoping to make up for it by doing a few IRL beachfire streams before we get a fire ban. I just need to stop being the way I am and leave the house, and reconnect my phone… I just…don’t want to…see people and have them see me in return… at this moment….and at a lot of other moments.

I will do it this week, though. It’s not only owed to the community, but I think it will be really chill once I get over my initial anxiety of doing anything new on stream. Unfortunately, I doubt I will do a camping stream until the summer is over, but I owe one this fall. I’m also planning a trip to the city for an IRL stream before the Fall. I want a Build-A-Bear… maybe go to an arcade.

We shall see. Whenever I try to plan, something happens, and the plans get spoiled or postponed. I’m trying to be more accepting and go with the flow when this happens instead of stressing about it on top of everything else. SO WE SHALL SEE. BECAUSE I'M SO ZEN AND COOL ABOUT GOING WITH THE FLOW.

Tarot Reading no.1

INFORMATION

Date: Late May, early June 2026
Spread: 1 card
Deck: OSHO ZEN + New Century Tarot
Intention: Where do I need to focus my energy?
NOTE: I had a sudden and pretty strong nudge to pick up my tarot cards for the first time in months. I’ve been struggling to process destabilizing information, and I don’t have anywhere to turn to for the insight I need. 

NEW CENTURY TAROT 

One Card: Four Of Wands ( R)

Four of Wands (R) indicates a new freedom from situations that no longer suit you. Whether the relationship is with yourself, your job, or someone in your life, you can break free from self-imposed limits and open yourself to new possibilities. It is time to leave the past behind and enter the next chapter of life.

Osho Zen Tarot 

One Card: The Burden (clouds & Mind)

“If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back.
You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you’ve gathered from others but now think are your own.” - Osho Zen Tarot

Interpretation: I got the insight I was looking for, which is reassurance on what I've been processing. Both of these cards, on their own and together, speak directly and clearly to my current experience, which is nice. This is comforting in a way. The realization felt like a slap to my face; it was obvious. But it’s also all I’ve ever known. The patterns that have been repeating in the form of experiences and the people I’ve loved, I finally see the root.  I‘m frustrated I didn’t realize sooner, but I wasn't ready. The last 9 months have completely changed me, and I've been grieving a lot. I’ve been grieving myself, my life, my family, and the ugly reality of this world…  “All endings are beginnings”. My heart's been aching in silence, as some of my core wounds have been reopened. This reading, as well as the book “The Hero Within,” has been a great source of comfort. Which, if I am being completely honest, is completely needed right now. 

AS ABOVE SO BELOW & WITHIN

Every design, or art piece, I’ve made available for purchase so far has some level of meaning incorporated.  Even the Piss Machine hoodie has meaning, just not in a serious way. The Creative Moon Emblem, my logo, is an eye embraced by a crescent moon, which represents creativity and intuition. I created the Moon Magic Sigil to represent creative and protective energy for whoever adorns it. The One More Round design I created was intended to make a gamer shirt I would want to wear. The two pieces, As Above So Below & Within and Still Not Dead, have deeper and perhaps darker meanings and inspirations behind them than the others.

I did not go into this piece with any intention. What started as a doodle of an eye transformed into something more meaningful, the way a lot of my favourite creations start. I will give some insights into what certain elements mean to me on their own.
DESCRIPTION:
“As Above…”  has an eyeball as the main subject. Eyes representing intuition and the “soul " or whatever consciousness is. The Eyeball has the horns and tail of a devil, which are contrasted by 2 small wings at its side, and 3 halos ascending from its crown. There is a heart above the eyeball-being that is protected by the halos. From within the eye, where the pupil should be, there is a large wet tongue exiting the eye. The pink tongue and light blue saliva are the only colours on the otherwise colourless piece. At the tip of the tongue, there is a small white tab of paper with a protective symbol on it.

The first time I did a psychedelic,
I was 14, and it saved my life.

Trigger warning (SA)

‍ ‍My upbringing was not easy, and I faced a lot of painful experiences essentially alone. Unfortunately, where I grew up, it wasn't uncommon for young girls, like my friends and I, to start experimenting with substances and hanging out with older boys. This eventually led to me being SA by an older boy that I had known for years. The next day, the few people who knew, including him, treated me like shit. I did not understand why. I had known these people for years, and they were acting as if I were invisible. One of them was even angry with me. My “best friend” reacted as if I had told her I lost my shoes again. It was painful and confusing. I didn’t tell anyone else for a long time and internalized the pain. Unfortunately, I also continued hanging out with all of those people… for years.

Trigger warning ends.

I did eventually snap in my own way. My friends and family were oblivious or didn't care. I was in a lot of pain I didn’t know how to manage on my own. This led to me becoming extremely self-destructive. I was still experimenting and hanging out with those “friends. About a year into my self-destructive downward spiral, I was introduced to my first psychedelic experience.

For the first time in my life, I was able to look at myself from an outside perspective. This gave me clarity and allowed me to have compassion for myself. I saw a girl who was in a lot of pain, who did not deserve the things that happened to her. I mark the realization as a defining moment in my life. I believe the psychedelics helped change the trajectory of where my life was going. Psychedelics are not for everyone, but they played a huge role in my being able to navigate and find some meaning in this insane world. Hence, the tab of paper on the tongue. Which will be a recurring theme.

And finally…
The devil and angel's attributes together represent the light and dark parts of us. You can not have the “good” without the “bad”. Life and death. Growth and decay. So on. Every person has both qualities inside them. However you identify with them or don’t, both parts are real. If you choose to ignore one and tend to the other, it will be mirrored in your life in interesting ways.

Our experiences are a reflection of what truth we carry inside of us. The same type of people and experiences repeat until we learn from them. If we learn from them.

OH HEY, I'M WRITING A BLOG

It’s kind of awkward to announce, but it’s something I've felt compelled to do for a long time. To write about and share my experiences and thought processes. That’s probably pretty amusing to anyone who’s seen me type or try to express myself at any given moment. Valid. UwU. And likely very laughable to others who view me negatively. At the end of the day, none of that truly matters in any meaningful sense. This is something I need to do. Which feels cringe to admit, but the truth is sometimes cringe.

I’ve had the urge to write and share my experiences for many years, but I’ve always struggled with the justification…. And just like… basic spelling and grammar LOL. As I’ve gotten older, I understand that the desire is reason enough. If it doesn't hurt anyone, why should I need to justify myself? Just another excuse, and if I don’t do it, the thoughts of doing it will never go away. I will have to carry them around with me, nagging me, for the rest of my life. And it would be a shame to die without getting some of what is inside of me out into the world[wide web]

With all of that said. This life of mine isn't groundbreakingly inspirational or life-changing, but it is relatable and interesting enough, and uniquely mine. So please keep your expectations low. I am a deeply flawed human who’s honouring my nagging pull to write about life from my perspective.

This blog will contain a wide variety of content. From video game & movie “essays”, my artistic process, unexplained mysteries, urban legends, adventures, and lifestyle stuff, to potentially triggering information regarding my experiences and perceptions. I will cover topics I am fascinated by. Psychedelics. My relationship with life and death. Psychedelics. Navigating mental illness while searching for meaning and purpose, Psychedelics, and how the people (and Psychedelics ) I've met over the years have saved my life. There will be appropriate trigger warnings.

I will be sharing things I’ve never shared before, and things I've probably shared too many times. Some of the heavier and more sensitive topics will be behind a paywall. If any of this interests you, feel free to sign up for my email list. I’ll give future updates, first dibs on new drops, exclusive discounts, and announce new posts.




P.S - If it isn’t obvious, I am writing everything myself. Grammarly & other writing software are too expensive a commitment to justify at this time. So this blog will also be filled with a ton of spelling & grammatical errors, and lord knows what other nonsense. If I stay consistent with this or get bullied enough, I will reluctantly subscribe to something.

Hard Launch?

That's right—Hard launch BAYBEEE.

That last launch wasn't even hard, bro. It was like half chubbed, and it definitely didn't lift.

I initially planned to call my first launch of the website and merchandise a "soft launch" because it was only the beginning of my vision. When finalizing everything, I took a friend's advice and decided to just call it a launch. I tend to make things more complicated than necessary. At the time, this made sense. In the chaos of getting the website and merch live, I lost sight of my vision and forgot to trust myself.

Moon Magic Sigil T-Shirt

The designs and products launched at first were always meant to be foundational. The Moon Magic Sigil and the Always Watching Eye are meaningful to me, and I kept them simple on purpose. The silly items are for laughs, maybe from inside jokes or random ideas, and are probably unoriginal. Like the Piss Machine T-shirt or the Trying My Best T-shirt (for those who know... I know). This launch, alongside this blog, will better represent who I am and what I aim to build and share. This launch feels like a hard launch to me, and I hope it will be clear why!

Over time, who I am and my intentions on this journey will become clearer. This website, my stream, my content, my merch, and most importantly, my art will keep evolving and growing with me. If I start sucking, so will everything else ;) My goal is to keep improving as an artist, a creative, and a human-person-thing.

This blog will share untold parts of my journey, what got me here, and where I am headed. The dream. The adventures... and exploring ideas like: Why am I like this? And what can be done about it? Anything?! I'd like to think so. But we shall see.

This will give a deeper understanding of who I am, the meaning of my art, and my creative urges. A deeper understanding of myself, for myself. To help me process this life while I try to build a better one, and if things go well, inspire others to do the same. If things go even better, cultivate a community of like-minded folks.

Community Hoodie Limited Editio

This website is meaningful to me. This website, and especially this launch, represent a big step toward my future. Toward a future that little me would not have dreamed of creating. This whole process has been difficult and overwhelming, mostly on an emotional level. I have been labelled/diagnosed with CPTSD, PTSD, chronic depression, and an anxiety disorder. It has taken a lot to overcome myself, my bullshit, and my trauma to get to this point (aka Leveling my irl RPG character).

Though I've worked hard to get here, I would not have made it far without the kindness and support of others. Some people who are still in my life, and some who came and went. When I look back at the chance encounters and moments that changed the trajectory of my life, it is hard not to get emotional. I would love to get emotional, but I don't have time right now. Busy Busy ;). But yeah, this might not seem like a big deal to everyone, but the website, this launch, and everything that went into getting to this point means the world to me. As I share my journey and tell my story, it will become clearer why.

So yeah. HARD launch, right? Still, the beginning of the vision, but a significant step that I hope sheds a little light on who I am, my intentions for this website, my art, and my journey.

Thank you for reading <3